November 18, 2010
-
Dear God Why chs 3-4
So…kinda stuck where I’m at in my writing. Decided to post some more of it for your view pleasure.
Oh, and I don’t think I posted it here yet. My Nano profile: here
Previous Chapters: 1-2
And OMFG THERE’S A CUT OPTION ON XANGA NOW? SON. I AM SO PLEASED.
Chapter Three
A week passed with Ivan avoiding Gilbert, and with Roderich having to deal with the albino when his other friends were busy with actual school work and didn’t have time to entertain him. Which did not bode well for the Austrian, as he had a concert to practice for and even then, he did have other instruments that he was supposed to be rehearsing for as well, and with his constant interruption, it would seem that he wouldn’t’ be able to get anything done in the near future. The only solution he could think of was to finally talk to Ivan so that he would be able to get at least something done. At least without worrying about the annoying grumble from a German about being boring or the fact that he needed to get a life something along those lines.
Ivan himself had been rather enjoying his time away from Gilbert for awhile, although he did miss his convenient bed warmer. The nights were not getting any warmer and he hated the cold, both emotional and literal as it was all he had known growing up and rather liked the warmth that seemed to be trapped here in Austria. From its people to the much more mild climate that the region seemed to be able to enjoy.
He was a little concerned about Roderich’s predicament with the albino, as he no longer was entertaining the man when he was bored. However, there could be no helping it. With what Gilbert had told him when he was ‘tucking him in’ on the couch did nothing to remind him that he was an outcast here, that he was lucky to have the few ‘friends’ that he was able to make, but even then he didn’t really let those that knew him in enough to really get to know his violent tendencies nor his thoughts. It seemed to work out until that night, which he would not take Gilbert back until he apologized. Really, there was no need for such cruelty for his fragile mind or heart.
Ivan looked up from his studies at the dining table when he heard Roderich clear his throat above him, violet eyes meeting a darker shade of his own, and he knew what this would be about. he expected such a conversation at one point during the week, he was honestly surprised that he was able to handle Gilbert being broody and “bored” for this long, kind of proud as well. Mostly as he would have already drowned back into his violent tendencies, which would have put his degree in jeopardy, which was the main reason for the break. There was no way that he was returning to Russia and to his sisters as a disgrace.
“What can I do for you,” Ivan asked, happy that his German finally seemed to be improving somewhat at least. Especially in conversation. “You seem… stressed.”
“I must inquire what happened between you and Gilbert where you are acting so cold against him and shutting him out of your room,” Roderich replied. Ivan sighed, straight to the point, as he expected. “Mostly as I have never seen one of your fights go on so long, nor him coming to beg your forgiveness in a few hours or you giving in. I wonder what could have been so severe that such action is required.”
“Ah, he said that I need to become more awesome like his other friends, as I am too cold or something along those lines,” Ivan replied shortly. “I apparently do not… satisfy him the way he would like. Or stimulate his great mind. Truthfully, I do not know the whole meaning behind it, however, I cannot tolerate such slander against me. He has yet to apologize, so I will not offer forgiveness this time.”
Roderich blinked. This whole thing was a mere lovers spat of words? He was expecting something along the lines of Gilbert ended up sleeping with someone else while drunk again, which tended to happen when he became too wasted to tell one person from another. He had been propositioned many times from a rather drunk Gilbert himself, all of which he had declined, sometimes forcibly, so he figured that perhaps Ivan had grown tired of it. But some drunk rambling? That hardly seemed like it was worth the effort, especially when the other most likely didn’t even remember what he had said in the first place.
“Don’t you think that’s a little harsh on him,” Roderich asked, somewhat concerned. “I mean, he most likely doesn’t even remember what he said to you.”
“Da, he remembers,” Ivan sneered. “He even repeated it to me sober the day after. Well, not me, but a few of his friends. Bragging is what you call it I think? Either way, it is not something I will forgive easily.”
Roderich sighed. Such was his life, never being easy and always full of troubles of other people. He guessed he should just get used to it, as an aristocrat, wouldn’t that be his main job anyway? Helping other people with their massive problems? He could easily wait for that day to come, mostly because there was no way his sanity could survive. Perhaps that was why he was to be wed before all of this. So that he could come home and be able to have someone else there at the end of the day to help stabilize his mind. That thought almost brought a tear to his eyes, as that stable future just seemed like burned itself into ashes in a few minutes that he read the note, which was still sitting in his dresser drawer, ever looming and reminding him how his peace of mind had been shattered by again, words. They had such power, power that he was slowly learning that had the ability to build or destroy lives, and create a cascading effect.
“You’ve been sighing a lot. Surely Gilbert isn’t that much of a bother,” Ivan wondered, looking up at him with a million questions, but refraining from asking them all at once. That was why Roderich liked Ivan, he was level headed and didn’t let his mouth go uncontrolled. Perhaps because he had to speak German instead of Russian and therefore had to think first before he said anything. Either way, Roderich was very grateful. “Something happened, da? Something you are not comfortable with?private one. Which would be nice, but I like being with the normal people too, so I don’t have to watch what I say or fear being backstabed for a family’s reputation against another. I’ve been at a loss of what to do, to wait for my parents to pick another suitor or to try to date and find one for myself. It is so very confusing.”
“Aah,” Ivan replied, awkwardly patting Roderich’s back as a form of comfort, in which Roderich smiled gratefully, although a bit awkwardly himself. Things weren’t exactly friendly with the two, in fact this was the most the two ever talked when it wasn’t about school or Gilbert and his numerous problems that he liked to drag the other two into. “That does sound… hard.”
“I’m just at a loss,” Roderich sighed again. “And then dealing with that German idiot hasn’t been a cakewalk as I haven’t really been able to think much either. I keep hoping that perhaps he latches onto one of his other friends as that would allow me some breathing room. I am sorry if I sounded forceful in trying to get you two back together, well, as much as you were. It is just that I need some more time to think alone and he hasn’t been helping.”
“I may have something of a… solution,” Ivan smiled, which for some reason put Roderich on edge. It wasn’t a smile of happiness, but of plotting. And plotting was never one of Roderich’s strong points, as it usually ended him up in more trouble than he could handle. Especially with all the times that he and Elizabeta had schemed against their parents and played pranks. This just didn’t bode well. “Go out with me.”
“Excuse me,” Roderich asked, not sure if he heard right and not sure if he wanted to hear right. “Did you just…”
“Go out with me,” Ivan repeated, seriousness written on his face. “You will be connected to someone, da? And Gilbert will try to bother me more often, which I can handle. It will make things easier. that way, I will not have people asking me to go out with them either and you can take your time with finding out if you want to date others or not. Or even perhaps this can work out. It will not hurt if we try, da?”
“You want me to go out with you,” Roderich hissed, praying that there was no German within hearing distance to hear this, and therefore flip his lid before everything was settled. Now that he thought about it, Ivan was large, not in a fat way, but just naturally muscular and tall, which he guessed was alright. He never tried to think of another man as someone he would try to spend his life with, but there was no hurting it. Especially if it worked in getting Gilbert off his back. Yes, that was the main reason. And he didn’t have to face this world alone. Worse came to worse, he and Ivan would remain friends, hopefully, and everything will be fine.
His parents would never be allowed to know. As they expected him to be able to have heirs, but he would think about that more if this even worked out enough for him to tell him. Maybe he would be able to find a nice girl to settle down with. He could always hope.
Ivan nodded at the question, small genuine smile on his face which surprised Roderich. Sure, he could give this ago, it wouldn’t be too hard. He already cooked for the three of them, made desserts at their request, and played music for them if they wanted. It would be like that only maybe some added benefits? Perhaps? It was still too early to be thinking of such things.
“I guess that would be acceptable,” Roderich replied with a nod. He didn’t expect to be suddenly hugged by the Russian, his glasses on the edge of his nose in danger and falling of while the air was squeezed out of his lungs. This was going to be a rather interesting experience after all.
“I am happy,” Ivan replied, the glint in his eye promising
that Roderich would not regret this. “However, I will tell Gilbert about this, as I believe that he will not behave very well after word. He can be… jealous I think is the word. But do not worry, I will make sure that he doesn’t bother you any more than necessary.”
“That would be much appreciated,” Roderich replied, fixing his glasses and straightening his clothing. “Although please, next time, remember that I am a living being and that I do need to breathe in order to keep on living.”
“Just get used to it, da,” Ivan grinned, giving him another bear hug, and once again, knocking the air out of Roderich. This was either going to be a very good idea, or a very bad one.
Pushing Ivan away, light blush on his face from being told to ‘just get used to it’, he stood up, and headed over towards the oven. “You go tell Gilbert and I’ll whip up some dinner. I think some German dishes just to make sure the dolt isn’t too depressed.”
And with that, Ivan went off to tell Gilbert the “good news” and Roderich wondered what bit of insanity allowed him to take part in such a deal.
-I got myself a fucking life, dressed up in evening wear-
Gilbert did not take the news very lightly, sulking through the entire dinner and passing glares at Ivan while avoiding looking at Roderich at all. Roderich thought that meant that poor Ivan took the brunt of Gilbert’s rage, or sadness. It was odd, there was no shouting about it, nor anything like that really. Perhaps Gilbert had been expecting this? Ivan to find someone else? He doubted that, as the lonely look on the German’s face was even depressing him, which he didn’t like. At all. He wasn’t supposed to feel sorry for the enemy, and yet here he was, doing so.
“I’m done,” Gilbert said, leaving first, without looking at their of them, which had Roderich feeling a little guilty about all of this. It wasn’t like he had meant for this to turn out this way, with Gilbert now being the one that was alone. It just… sort of happened like that. Either way, at least he was free of being annoyed by the German and would be able to practice in peace, and hopefully be prepared for the concert more than he would have if he and Ivan hadn’t hatched such a plan.
“Did you at least let him down gently,” Roderich asked when he heard a door close, which meant that Gilbert most likely would not come out for the weekend except to eat and even then, most likely would take the food back to his room so that he wouldn’t have to look at them.
“As gently as I could,” Ivan replied, still eating and somewhat enjoying the meal. It didn’t compare to his sister’s cooking, but it wasn’t half bad either. Perhaps he should teach Roderich some Russian dishes, as they were dating now and he would want to make him happy right? Yes, but that could wait a little while. He didn’t have the time to do it right now, Ivan himself working on his script for an upcoming performance that his section of the school was working on. That was one great thing about going to such a school. Always something going on to keep the excitement in the air! “He doesn’t take disappoint well, da?”
“I guess not,” Roderich replied, standing. “If you excuse me, I do believe that I should be practicing for my upcoming concert, if you would like to join me. I’m sure that you’ll be less of a distraction than Gilbert.”
“I would like that,” Ivan replied, taking his dish to the sink before following Roderich to the baby grand that he had his parents buy him for the purpose of him being able to practice in the dorms after the main campus closed. He could feel that this would work out very well after all. He watched Roderich lose himself in the music, not really needing to see the notes, memorizing the music as he played so that he wouldn’t have to completely rely on the paper in front of him.
Yes, this would work out very, very well.
[/CUT-TAG]
Chapter Four
Gilbert didn’t come out of his room for four days, missing classes and some social outings that had his friends worrying about his state of mind. Gilbert himself was trying to convince himself that he didn’t care what Ivan and Roderich did, as it was so much more awesome being alone. And there was nothing that would be able to change that fact. Maybe if he was alone with someone else it might be more awesome, but that would defeat the purpose of being alone, wouldn’t it? Besides, studying alone was better because less distractions, which his brother often said he needed less of anyway when he decided to check his emails.
Then again, Ludwig was always one for punctuality and doing well in school, while he was much better with his hands or his voice, which was why he was studying here in Austria to become a prop designer and somewhat of a vocalist while his brother was back in Germany studying engineering. It was always strange to him that they looked almost nothing alike, but were still related, given the fact by different mothers.
Gilbert’s mother dying in childbirth and his father marrying three years later to a mistress that no one really knew he had on the side. It would always make Gilbert wonder if his mother died blissfully unaware, or if she knew and that fact was the one that killed her after he was born. He would never know, nor love his little brother any less, although it did put a bit of a barrier between his step mother as well as his father, but he was too awesome to hold grudges, really, he was. Or so he kept trying to convince himself.
Updating his blog, he decided that maybe now he would be able to study in peace, as his vocal instructor had given him some exercises that she wanted him to work on, which Gilbert hadn’t done yet. Something about developing more of a tone and getting rid of an airy overtone that apparently annoyed her. He didn’t like practicing, but he said he would and he didn’t like to go back on his word, unless it was to Roderich or Ivan on some occasions to get a rise out of them. Mostly because it was fun and it rid him of some boredom for a time, which he was usually ‘punished’ for like doing the dishes after Roddy made something messy or cleaning the entire living area for a week or being locked out of Ivan’s room until he welcomed him back in. Usually after that, they allowed their bodies to become reacquainted with each other, but it would seem that wouldn’t happen anymore, not with the bombshell that he was hit with.
Ivan and Roderich, Gilbert never thought of them as particularly close, perhaps friends at one point but never anything as far as dating. Maybe he had been too blind or perhaps even too liberal with the way he treated Ivan. Like he would always be there for him and that he had nothing to worry about because Ivan would always let him come back. Never find anyone else but him that would allow him to sleep with him. Gilbert’s head hit the desk, not wanting to sing anymore, just wanting to curl back under his covers and hide from the world until he was able to figure out somehow to heal his rather beaten and bruised ego that didn’t seem to want to heal anymore than his oddly hurting heart. Did he care for Ivan like that? Maybe. Given a little more time, he was sure that he would have suggested dating, but not anymore. Mostly because now his top two choices were going out with each other. Wasn’t that just ironic.
“I need a fucking drink,” Gilbert groaned, throwing on a fresh pair of clothes and running his fingers through his perpetually messy silver hair. That was one very awesome thing about being albino and not have much pigment. There was no one that could rock silver hair as much as he could.
Heading out of his room, making sure that neither of his two… roommates… where there as he didn’t need to see them happy together, especially since he was alone and miserable. It was hard to admit to himself that he wasn’t awesomely happy or thrilled to be alone, but he guess that was why he was going out for a drink. So he didn’t have to see their happy sucky faces and be reminded that he lost his chance with the both of them. For right now at least. He was sure that once Ivan realized how boring Roddy was that the Russian would be crawling back or Roddy would have it with Ivan’s cruelty and violent habits to just want to break it up with him and finally admit that he was awesome all along. Or perhaps they could have a three way relationship? He would be all open for that, but he doubted that the other two would.
A plan was soon hatching in his head as he walked out into the chilling cold of the beginnings of winter in the area. Yes, he was going to get to bang two guys at once if any of this worked out like he was plotting, but he would have to be careful. Taking a gulp of the cold dry air, he wondered if he would be able to control himself when usually, he just threw himself to anyone that he thought was deemed lucky enough to take in part of his awesome self.
“This will work,” he muttered to himself, heading toward the bar for some “inspiration”. “It has to work.”
-I’ve never wanted to dance with anyone but you-
Ivan himself was pleasantly surprised with how good of company that Roderich provided, and that they were progressing nicely along from just friends with a plan to get Gilbert off both of their backs into perhaps thinking that this could actually work. He did like being able to listen to Roderich play his instruments without any distractions as well as being able to study without worrying if Gilbert was going to come around, buzzed, and begging for some sort of sexual favors which, while nice, played hell with his sleeping schedule as he would have to pull all nighters to try to get all his work done that the had to.
However, the one thing looming over him was the way his sister would take the fact that he was openly dating in another land. Natasha would have a problem with this, as she had a severe case of a brother complex for him, which he could not explain other than the fact that she was a very emotional girl and that she was confused. He was sure once she was able to find someone else that she liked enough, her affections would change, however, it seemed to not be the case of yet. He had to escape Russia to get away from her, out of her reach, but he didn’t want to find out the lengths that she would go to if she found out he was dating and to another man no less. This was going to be awkward when he went home for the holidays, although he was thinking of just staying here, as it would be safer for his general well being as well as his sanity, but his older sister Katyusha would be there and he didn’t want to disappoint her.
With a sigh, he found himself being stared at by Roderich, who had stopped his violin and had an inquisitive look on his face. With the lightest blush, Ivan didn’t even realize that he had stopped, nor that his thoughts had taken him completely out of enjoying the piece. Perhaps he would think about his family dilemma another time, as it distracted him from his boyfriend’s performance. He liked the ring of that, boyfriend. It meant that they were in it for more than the sex or occasional cuddling on the couch that Gilbert had enjoyed, though he did miss it. Roderich had not been comfortable with them starting with the physical aspects of a relationship so soon after starting it, so Ivan was inclined to wait for a little while, but hopefully not too long.
“Did you not like it,” Roderich asked, a slight frown on his features. He tried to pick out a piece that the thought Ivan would enjoy, but maybe he didn’t do a good enough job of it. “I’ll pick another one if you’d like.”
“Forgive me, I was distracted about the thoughts of the holidays,” Ivan smiled back, a chill running through the room. He did not like thinking about things that made him depressed, and he didn’t mean for the smile to seem so cold. However thinking of his sisters often had that effect on him. Maybe he would stay here after all. “Will Roderich be returning home for them?”
“Most likely not,” Roderich sighed. “My family isn’t that close and I do not want to go home with the whole feud still on everyone’s minds. They might decide then, with me home, to try to get me another bride.”
“That would be troublesome, da,” Ivan nodded at his own question. “I was thinking of staying here as well. Where my older sister will be disappointed, I have no desire to see my youngest sister right now. She is… how do you say it? Overbearing? Not really annoying, but sometimes she can come on a little… strong I guess is the word? I still care for her, but she seems to mistake that for a kind of love that should not happen with such close family relations.”
“So she has a brother complex,” Roderich inquired, putting his violin away. The piano would be a better instrument to play out his anxieties than the violin. No matter how hard he stroked the key of a piano, the strings inside would not break. However, one wrong stroke on the violin could make a wire snap and that would not be something Roderich wanted to deal with. Especially if it meant a possible injury to himself. “I’m sure that she will grow out of it.”
“She is in high school now and it does not seem so,” Ivan sighed. “However, I would feel better staying here if someone else was as well. It would… not be so lonesome here.”
“I will be honored to be able to stay with you here,” Roderich flashed him a small smile before turning to the piano, wondering which piece to play. He wanted something soft, something that wasn’t too intrusive on the mood.
“Play some Chopin,” Ivan said, noticing that Roderich was having trouble deciding. “I like it when you play music by him. It’s as if he’s alive again.” It was true, he was jealous of Roderich’s ability to make the piano sing like only those famous composers could, but one day, he was sure that he would be able to get him to play something Russian. Where they were often dwarfed by Austria’s greats, they were still important to him, as well as he wanted to hear them brought to life by his new boyfriend, to get the best of both experiences.
“Do you have any piece in particular you want to hear,” Roderich asked, happy to play something for anyone when they asked for it. Perhaps he had more of an ego than he thought, but he didn’t flaunt it so it couldn’t be that bad, could it? Hopefully not, as he didn’t want to push Ivan away just yet. He found this relationship to be sort of comfortable, and would like it continue for awhile. Maybe even grow if given the right amount of attention.
Although he did find it strange that he was comparing it to a plant. Perhaps he needed to find a better way of thinking about this, although it did make sense. Both needed caring, attention, and the right amount of love. Okay, he really needed to stop.
“One of his nocturnes, I think that fits the mood,” Ivan smiled, watching Roderich sift through his music.
“I guess it does,” Roderich nodded, pulling out the sheet music, and beginning to play.
Yes, Ivan thought warmly. This was going to work out very well.
